


Letters

by prioritysope



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst and Romance, F/M, Tragedy, light fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-11
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-18 06:55:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 14
Words: 4,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29364348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prioritysope/pseuds/prioritysope
Summary: → in wich bokuto decides to leave letters to his significant every month, after a year of her death.
Relationships: Bokuto Koutarou/Reader
Comments: 3
Kudos: 9





	1. 𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐑𝐎𝐃𝐔𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on Wattpad @prioritysope

𝐲/𝐧 𝐥/𝐧

𝐤𝐨𝐮𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐨 𝐛𝐨𝐤𝐮𝐭𝐨

**\-----**

❝𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐋𝐈𝐊𝐄 𝐌𝐄? 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐓'𝐒 𝐈𝐌𝐏𝐎𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐁𝐋𝐄!❞

❝𝐈 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔, 𝐁𝐎𝐊𝐔𝐓𝐎.❞

❝𝐈 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐓𝐎𝐎, 𝐘/𝐍.❞

❝𝐀𝐑𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐒𝐔𝐑𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐓 𝐓𝐎 𝐃𝐎 𝐈𝐓 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐌𝐄?❞

❝𝐈 𝐃𝐎, 𝐁𝐀𝐁𝐘.❞

❝𝐇𝐎𝐖 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐘/𝐍 𝐈𝐒 𝐃𝐄𝐀𝐃? 𝐘𝐎𝐔'𝐑𝐄 𝐋𝐘𝐈𝐍𝐆!❞

❝𝐁𝐀𝐁𝐘 𝐎𝐖𝐋, 𝐃𝐎𝐍'𝐓 𝐋𝐄𝐀𝐕𝐄 𝐌𝐄, 𝐏𝐋𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐄.❞

❝𝐈 𝐍𝐄𝐄𝐃 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐁𝐘 𝐌𝐘 𝐒𝐈𝐃𝐄, 𝐁𝐀𝐁𝐘.❞

❝𝐈 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐒𝐎 𝐌𝐔𝐂𝐇 𝐈𝐓 𝐇𝐔𝐑𝐓𝐒.❞

❝𝐖𝐇𝐘 𝐃𝐈𝐃 𝐈 𝐇𝐀𝐕𝐄 𝐓𝐎 𝐋𝐎𝐒𝐄 𝐌𝐘 𝐁𝐀𝐁𝐘 𝐎𝐖𝐋?❞

**\--------**

𝐃𝐈𝐒𝐂𝐋𝐀𝐈𝐌𝐄𝐑.  
  
  
  


𝖳𝗁𝗂𝗌 𝗌𝗍𝗈𝗋𝗒 𝗐𝗂𝗅𝗅 𝖼𝗈𝗇𝗍𝖺𝗂𝗇 𝖺 𝗅𝗈𝗍 𝗈𝖿 𝖺𝗇𝗀𝗌𝗍 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗌𝗈𝗆𝖾 𝖿𝗅𝗎𝖿𝖿. 𝖨𝖿 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝖺𝗋𝖾 𝗏𝖾𝗋𝗒 𝗌𝖾𝗇𝗌𝗂𝗍𝗂𝗏𝖾, 𝖨 𝗋𝖾𝖼𝗈𝗆𝗆𝖾𝗇𝖽 𝗇𝗈𝗍 𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖽𝗂𝗇𝗀. 𝖠𝗅𝗌𝗈 𝗍𝗁𝖺𝗍 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗌𝗍𝗈𝗋𝗒 𝗐𝗂𝗅𝗅 𝖻𝖾 𝗐𝗋𝗂𝗍𝗍𝖾𝗇 𝗂𝗇 𝗅𝖾𝗍𝗍𝖾𝗋 𝖿𝗈𝗋𝗆𝖺𝗍, 𝗌𝗈 𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗋𝖾 𝗐𝗂𝗅𝗅 𝖻𝖾 𝗇𝗈 𝖺𝖼𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇𝗌.


	2. 𝐉𝐀𝐍𝐔𝐀𝐑𝐘

  
**_January 10, 2020._ **

**_Dear y/n:_ **

It is already a year of your death, my love. Everyone asks me how I am, I always say I'm fine. Although being honest, I don't even know how I feel emotionally. I only know that I feel completely empty. Graduation sucked without you as my partner. Do you remember the times you used to scold me, Akaashi and Konoha for our silly jokes? What a happy time. I remember the first time we met. You went to the gym, because according to the coach, we had a new manager. And seeing you, I thought you were an angel fallen from heaven, although I made a mistake at the time as well. I misjudged you, thinking that you were like the other people who look at me strangely and who think I am a monster. Maybe I am. However, you were the girl who made me love myself, be myself without fear of prejudice. You were the first person outside of my team who did not judge me on my appearance and did notice my personality. I may seem like an asshole writing to you, when you will never read this. However, I need a way to get everything out of my mind. So as not to disturb Akaashi-kun with my sad things. I know he misses you, even if he doesn't say it, the same with the boys. We even have you on the altar in the gym and we always dedicate a few words to you before practice. You were our motivation to play. Now that everyone went their own way after finishing school, I don't know what to do. I wish you were here by my side. Hugging on the floor while we talked about our future and any nonsense, but such simple things, they made me happy. Unfortunately, now they are more than memories that I will never forget. Maybe your wish is that I move on with my life and go out on dates, fall in love, get married and have children. However, I will move on, but I don't think I can get someone to love me like you did. But if I succeed, you will be the first to know. You are the love of my life.

Well, my love, I must stop writing because the boys wanted to make a meeting to remember old times, only you are missing so that we are complete. I miss you so much, my baby owl.  
  


**_With much love, your_ ** **_daddy owl_ ** **_._ **


	3. 𝐅𝐄𝐁𝐑𝐔𝐀𝐑𝐘

**_February 23, 2020_ **

**_Dear y/n:_ **

I still don't know how to start this kind of thing. It's pretty weird, don't you think? However, I want to express in these letters every memory we had. Valentine was shit, anyone can tell. Did you know that Akaashi-kun became your best friend's boyfriend? At last they both stopped pretending to be proud and started dating. Konoha is still single, I do not even know how when that condemned is the complete package. The history teacher keeps saying that she misses you, do you see that you were her favorite student?

After you left, many of those who annoyed me did it again, telling me that I deserved to be left because I was a complete monster. While others came to give me their condolences, very hypocritical of their parts. Anyway, a week ago I started in a new Volleyball team. Amazing, right? It reminds me of all the times you took pictures of me eating, so I asked your mom for your cell phone so I could have those pictures with me. It might sound stupid, but every night before I go to sleep, I go to look at your photo gallery and see every video of us, the boys and whatever; because I know how much you liked taking photos and recording.

I know I must let you go, but it is so difficult to let go of someone who meant everything to me and it is impossible for me not to miss you every second. Although it has been a long time since your departure, I still remember you every day of my life. The only thing that keeps me alive are your memories, which are the best thing you could leave me.

**_With much love, your_ ** **_daddy owl_ ** **_._ **


	4. 𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐂𝐇

**_March 27, 2020_ **

**_Dear y/n:_ **   
  
  


A few days ago something weird or funny happened, I don't know. But I was with Akaashi and Konoha, we even invited Hinata, on a basketball court playing volleyball on one of our few days off. Everything was fine, until Konoha saw his beloved crush that she was also hanging out with a couple of friends, I know you know who I'm talking about. The point is, he said to impress her and started to play more aggressive until the asshole of him trips over his own feet and fell on his mouth. Worst? He broke his nose from the fall. It may sound cruel, but we all laugh like good fools.

It was something totally chaotic, more with the face of shame that he brought until he said that I hope the earth would swallow him and spit him out on Pluto. This was the first time that I laughed heartily, I even looked at the sky and gave you these laughter, thinking how proud you would be of me for being happy, even for a while, despite the pain that I feel deep inside me.

This has reminded me of the first time you played with us. You were too scared to receive Konoha-kun's spikes, it was quite funny how you almost made us lose everything by the times you dodged them. Until one hit you in the face, and you bled from your nose. Konoha was too scared, even he thought I was going to hit him for it, when I just told him to hold on when hitting the ball. In the end it was just a friendly game in the middle of practice.

I did not want to make this letter sad, but it is inevitable for me to think how everything would be more fun if you were here. I miss you dearly, my love. I would give and do anything to have you by my side again.  
  
  


**_With much love, your_ ** **_daddy owl_ ** **_._ **


	5. 𝐀𝐏𝐑𝐈𝐋

**_April 4, 2020_ **

**_Dear y/n:_ **

For two weeks there has been a girl who has been talking to me, I admit that she is cute, but I do not feel ready to be in a relationship. Don't you think it's unfair to try when I haven't gotten over you yet and I'm not going to? I cannot fixate on someone else when I think and dream of you even after your death. I even explained to her that I am still in mourning and I cannot open my heart so lightly hurt because someone shows me understanding and affection.

Y/N...I need you. You do not know how much. You were the only thing that kept me sane, but now only your memory does; although sometimes I have my losses and want to do something crazy. My heart hurts more every day. You were my reason to smile, laugh, simply the reason to be fully happy. I know this was quite short, but I have plans to go out with the boys, since you left us they took the "tradition" of going out every so often to distract me.

**_With much love, your_ ** **_daddy owl_ ** **_._ **


	6. 𝐌𝐀𝐘

**_May 31, 2020_ **

**_Dear y/n:_ **

I write to you from the hospital, so I regret my handwriting, writing in bed is somewhat uncomfortable. You may wonder why I am in the hospital. Well, I had a suicide attempt last night, very pathetic, but I can't stand being here in this world without you anymore. I swear I can't stand it. I know that in every letter I say it, but I need you as you have no idea, y / n. I feel completely dead, even though I'm here with my heart pounding. I'm just saying we'll be together soon, that's a promise, my beautiful girl.

I'm sorry that this letter is short, but I have the boys here, scolding me and wanting to read what I write, which is the least I want. I love you from here to infinity, y/n.

**_With much love, your_ ** **_daddy owl_ ** **_._ **


	7. 𝐉𝐔𝐍𝐄

**_June 15, 2020_ **

**_Dear y/n:_ **

I was supposed to write to you a week ago, but my parents took my cell phone away from me to take away a little from the memories. If only they knew that I have everything on my mind, and that all those photos, videos and publications are just the evidence that you were real and you were my girl.

I miss when you cheered me on at games. Now that I go I have only my teammates and Akaashi. I almost forgot, I am in the MSBY Black Jackal, I wear #12 and I also team up with Hinata, Atsumu, Sakusa and others that I can barely remember right now. I only imagine you with my sweater or my shirt and I smile like a fool in love. Wait for me, my love. Soon we can be together. You are and always will be my girl, be it in this life or the next one.

I have to go I have an appointment with the psychologist, I hate going, well even if he pretends to understand me. I know he doesn't do it in the least. I love you, honey.

**_With much love, your daddy owl._ **


	8. 𝐉𝐔𝐋𝐘

**_July 23, 2020_ **

**_Dear y/n:_ **

A few days ago we had a game with your cousin Tobio's team. He greeted me and asked how everything was going, I told him that it was fine despite everything because Volleyball keeps me alive; which is a lie. I hate pretending that I'm okay, I feel like I'm pleasing everyone when they see me smiling like nothing happened. Have they already forgotten you? That angers me. They do not understand the pain I feel, I wish they realized that they hurt me with their comments "You should fall in love again." "Y/N would like you to get on with your life." You may want that, but I can't. I refuse to just forget everything and fill my heart with someone else.

No one is going to love me like you did, there is no one like you. I'm one hundred percent sure of that.

**_With much love, your daddy owl._ **


	9. 𝐀𝐔𝐆𝐔𝐒𝐓

**_August 17, 2020_ **

**_Dear y/n:_ **

Today I went to your parents' house, it is already a custom of mine. I took the opportunity and left them the promise ring that I was going to give you the night of your death, at first I didn't want to leave it to them; however, he felt a pressure on her chest every time he saw her. We also went to your grave to talk to you, maybe you heard us from up there. It broke my soul to see the broken twins kneeling in front of the grave as they begged for your return. I wish that would come true, but I know it doesn't.

Before I left, they gave me two boxes with letters that you wrote me and the other with the gifts that I almost always gave you. I burst into tears as I read every one of your words in those letters. I love you so much, it seems surreal.  
  


**_With much love, you daddy owl._ **


	10. 𝐒𝐄𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐌𝐁𝐄𝐑

_**September 2, 2020** _

_**Dear y/n:** _

Two nights ago I was thinking of you, as usual. The point is that I made you a playlist, even if you can't listen to it, I do it and it's as if you were by my side. Some are the ones we used to hear when we had our night drives and went to McDonalds. And others are some that I always wanted to dedicate and sing to you when we were together.

**1\. What Makes You Beautiful - One Direction**

**2\. Dear Darlin' - Olly Murs**

**3\. Little Things - One Direction**

**4\. She's Kinda Hot - 5 Seconds of Summer**

**5\. Last First Kiss - One Direction**

**6\. Truly Madly Deeply - One Direction**

**7\. A Thousand Years - Christina Perri**

**8\. Infinity - One Direction**

**9\. The One That Got Away - Katy Perry**

**10\. You & I - One Direction **

_**With much love, your daddy owl.** _


	11. 𝐎𝐂𝐓𝐎𝐁𝐄𝐑

**_October_ ** ******_31_ ** **_, 2020_ **

**_Dear y/n:_ **

Winter is approaching every time and I don't like it. It brings back memories both beautiful and ugly. Your death is one of the worst. It also reminds me that for this year I was going to ask you to marry me, almost on our fourth anniversary. I loved you and I will always love you for life. Nothing, and no one could replace you. This hurts more than a summer love.

Sometimes I want it to stop hurting, but then I remember that the fact that it hurts is clear evidence that it was all real and that I haven't been daydreaming all three years in high school.

**_With much love, your daddy owl._ **


	12. 𝐍𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐌𝐁𝐄𝐑

**_November_ ** **_2_ ** **_6_ ** **_, 2020_ **

**_Dear y/n:_ **

A few days ago I started to think that I should get over it and get on with my life. However, what do I do? I have tried so many times and I can't. I do not know what else to do. Anyway, each time the letters have become shorter, so as not to tell you more of the same. Therefore, I will just tell you how much I miss you and love you with all my heart.

**_With much love, your_ ** **_daddy owl_ ** **_._ **


	13. 𝐃𝐄𝐂𝐄𝐌𝐁𝐄𝐑

**_December 25, 2020._ **

**_Dear y/n:_ **

I have no idea how to start writing this. I want you to know that in this world, you were someone very important in my life and you will always be as I have always told you since day one. I love you, and I will love you. Perhaps everyone will wonder why I am writing this to you, when you will not even read it; however, I want you to know my clear reasons why I did it.

I tried to continue my life, but nothing is the same after your departure. The longer the days go by, the more miserable my life becomes. I'm tired of the looks full of pity from my close ones. I've tried everything to make the pain go away, but now it feels like it's part of me and I don't like it. You were the reason for my happiness, without you there is nothing. Just a sad and desolate Bokuto Koutaro. I need you, but don't worry, now that I'm by your side, I'll be happy. Do you remember our song? The one we always sang in the car, although we always ended up crying like fools.  
  
  


**_In another life_ **   
**_I would be your girl_ **   
**_We'd keep all our promises_ **   
**_Be us against the world_ **   
  
  
  


Now we will keep our promises and forever, without barriers. We will love each other forever like the teenagers we were. This may be a more cowardly act on my part, but this is better than living my life in pain. Now I can personally thank you for having come into my life, for loving me, accompanying me in my ups and downs.  
  
  
  
  


**_With much love, your daddy owl._ **


	14. 𝐄𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐎𝐆𝐔𝐄

«𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐓 𝐆𝐎𝐎𝐃𝐁𝐘𝐄.»  
  
  
  
  
  


The whole place was surprisingly busy. The entire Bokuto family was there, along with your family and close friends. The atmosphere was tense and nostalgic. Every face was full of sadness and others were trying to hide the pain.

They were at the activity they did for the second anniversary of your death, but something worse had happened. Bokuto committed suicide the same day that was the second anniversary of your passing. December 25th. Both families decided to do the activity together, in order to say goodbye properly.

The news of Bokuto's suicide was surprising, nobody expected that. Everyone thought that after the first try and the therapies, he would be fine. He seemed fine, but it turns out he was a good actor. Every person in the place wonders: **_What was he thinking at that moment?_**

For many the decision that Bokuto made was that of a total coward and that he did not know how to face everything. However, someone should never be called a coward for making such a decision. The simple act of making such a decision was because he accumulated too much courage, because that is not something so lightly.

At the back of the funeral home were Akaashi, Kuroo, Konoha, Hinata, and the rest of the teams. Some friends close to (Y/N). Everyone still did not believe it at all, they were in complete shock. How was it possible that their so cheerful friend was no longer with them?

"It all feels so unreal." Kuroo whispered, he felt a lump in his throat, but he didn't want anyone to see him cry. He preferred to cry all day in his room.

Out of all of them the only one who was crying shamelessly was Hinata and Akaashi. Even Keiji blamed himself a bit.

"I should have been more for him, this is my fault." He mumbled through tears as (Y/N)'s younger sister comforted him on the floor.

"Akaashi-san, this is not your fault. To all of us he seemed to be happy and we fell for that, and we didn't see that he was really suffering. He was even able to silently ask for help and we didn't realize it." Now Tsukishima spoke, who was leaning against the wall.

Everyone looked somewhat surprised by the words of the blonde, since he was never to say something in such sad moments. He has always been to give a simple hug and that's it. Regardless, Bokuto was important to him. Even though they only interacted in practice in Tokyo.

"Kageyama-kun, do you want to go to the cafeteria? I can't stay long in a place so full of sad people." Hinata whispered into the black haired boy's ear, who just nodded and followed him into the cafeteria.

"Guys, it's goodbye time." Now Bokuto's mother approached, who was with a puffy face, red eyes as her husband hugged her. "Akaashi, can you speak right?"

Keiji looked at her somewhat doubtfully, but he knew that was something Koutaro wanted him to do and he wouldn't let him down. He wiped his face on the sleeve of his hoodie before getting up, helping little Sarah along the way.  
  
  


**\------**   
  
  


A coffin. Three photos, one of Bokuto alone, another of Y/N, and the third is the last photo they both took. Hugged tightly, kissing with both laughing between the kiss. Everyone was inside the great room, listening to the last words directed towards her son, with her husband still hugging her so she could be aware that she does not pass out or something similar.

In the background you could hear the instrumental of **_A Thousand Years by Christina Perri_** , one of which Bokuto put on his playlist.

Right next to the coffin was a box with all the letters that Koutaro made for a whole year. For Mrs. Bokuto, that was clear evidence that her son was happy thanks to (Y/N) and that she was the reason for her happiness when he was alive.

"... I'm sure of something at the moment," She had been talking for a long time. About the childhood, adolescence and adulthood of her precious son. For her, Bokuto was everything to stay alive. He was her driving force, along with her husband. "I know (Y / N) is taking care of our favorite ace. And now they are both in total peace. Now, goodbye to both of you. We will love and miss you forever, and I know that you will take care of us from there." She finished, breaking down a bit and hugging her husband tightly as they stepped down from the little makeshift stage.

The place was full of little laughs at the anecdotes and tears.

Now it was Akaashi's turn. It's sad to know that two years ago, it was Bokuto who was speaking to (Y/N) and now it was him speaking for his best friend. He felt a pressure in his chest, in addition to the urge to continue crying as the tears threatened to come out. He took the stage, standing in front of the microphone. Many eyes were on him, which made him feel somewhat pressured of what he should say.

"... God, I don't know what to say right now. There are so many things I have in mind to say to Bokuto-san, that now I feel they are insufficient. I will miss his mood swings and how much he thought to help him, even though I ended up calling to (Y/N)-san for help. It was all a roller coaster ride. "He paused to sigh heavily, running his right hand through his silky black hair, thus continuing. "I remember deciding to join Fukurodani Academy when I watched a game and seeing the way Bokuto played and how lively he was, it made me want to come in and be his setter. And I did for two years. Kind of funny, can you believe it? That Bokuto-san was two months wondering whether to ask out to (Y/N)? It was quite funny and stressful because she would tell me how much she liked him and vice versa. Until one day I couldn't bear it and brought them together to leave them alone. " The room was filled with laughter at the last thing Akaashi said.

Akaashi turned to face the coffin. He put both hands there as he looked at each photo on the wall. Everything was full of flowers.

"Goodbye, Bokuto-san. I hope you find the happiness you deserve. I know you will be fine with (Y/N) -san. I will miss you guys very much and the boys too." He finished as little tears ran down his cheeks and he went to his seat.  
  
  


**\------**   
  
  
  


Everything was beautiful. Flowers of different colors, trees of all kinds and the singing of birds. Bokuto paced around the place, while he hummed a random song. He felt strangely happy and complete in that moment. As if everything had disappeared like the wind. He walked a long way until he reached the end of it, he saw a beautiful girl who became known to him and did not hesitate to approach. Slowly, of course, so as not to scare her into hitting him. He wanted with all his being that she was the girl of his life.

When he was behind her, he didn't think more and touched her shoulder to get his attention. She turned around and her eyes widened in surprise at the spiky-haired boy.

"Bokuto? Baby?" Her voice was still soft and delicate. "You found me!" She didn't wait any longer and hugged him as tightly as she could.

Bokuto's eyes widened as he felt the touch of the love of his life. However, she did not wait to return the hug strongly and the tears did not take long to come out.

"I found you. God, I have you again." She whispered against her neck, still not releasing her.Everything seemed like a dream to both of them and they did not want to wake up.

"You found me, and now it will be forever, Bo." She answered, separating a little from him and with both hands she took the boy by the cheeks, thus leaving a soft and short kiss on the lips that she missed so much. "I love you."

"I love you so much, (y/n). Since you have no idea." It was the last thing Bokuto said before kissing her while loving her. Hands were on (Y/N) small waist.


End file.
